Garden and Ass Kicking Update.

I'm kicking my own ass, not anyone else's.  22 lbs lost in the last 3 months - that's in addition to the the 40-50 lbs of preg weight that I had to lose with each kid.  Yes that much - go big or go home people.  So I've lost at least one Olsen twin

by my own mix of somewhat-veganism, Jillian Michaels, and running.  It has been tough as balls.  And made me really mad at the people who lose weight and you ask how they did it and they're all "Oh I just stopped drinking soda."  First of all, how much soda was your fat ass drinking; second of all I hate you because my body wants to make sure all my internal organs are really, reaaallllllyyy well padded and it would never let go of precious fat that easily.  I'm working on getting the last 10 lbs off right now and toning the stomach that hauled two 8+ lb babies around and my body is desperately trying to make sure my intestines keep their highly important M&M and wine padding.

Onto .... ze garden

It's funny to me the way the garden evolved this year.  Even though it's only 18ft I rotated where everything was planted, and tried garlic and carrots which I've never grown before.  I don't know if my garden is planted on top of fertilizer-rich murder victims or I just am super lucky but everything is going CA-RAZY.  I thought I was being super proactive getting my pea supports up early (metal stakes with plastic mesh fencing strung across)  these babies are 3 feet tall.  And then my peas grew straight up and over and across their neighbors.  From last year where I only got enough peas for a handful a day, I'm picking half a basket every other day.  The carrots took a while but are now producing regularly (we planted heirloom Danvers carrots) and the garlic was SO easy.

 I'm going to give you the super simple dummy proof way to grow garlic and use it.  You ready?  OK.  Go to the store - any store that sells garlic.  It does not have to be organic or pesticide free or whatever.  Get two big bulbs and break it apart into cloves and plant the cloves, pointy side up, in rows right before the first frost of the fall.  In the spring you'll see what look like spring onions shooting up from them.  Then they will develop little flowers, called scapes

Aren't they pretty?  I kept them in a vase on the windowsill.  And they are completely edible and have a mild garlic taste to them, so chop them up, stem and all, and use them where you would use green onions or garlic. 

Now you just have to wait for your garlic stalks to turn brown and look dead-ish.  Then you dig up the garlic and braid the stalks

And then hang it up.  Feel free to point out to anyone who comes into your house that you may indeed be the craftiest bitch, ever.

Still trying to re-fabulize the blog (ahem JEN) and work on getting back up to speed with all my bloggy lovahhhs.  I am reading your posts, I'm just too busy braiding garlic to comment.  Bear with me.

Hay What's Up With Your Totally F-ing Jacked Blog?

  Oooooohhhh you know, just that Blogger has decided to charge you from now on if you try to upload new images for your header or anything else.  So this is just one jacked-up looking blog until I figure this shit out.  It looks awful and I apologize, but honestly every time I try to fix it I would get so frustrated I'd log onto Pinterest instead, and that's not productive so instead I am giving you a post about Jen. Jen is the original MT blogger-design-thingy diva and my BFF from way back.  Jen is funny as hell and is raising two kids by herself and working full time and being a domestic goddess.  AND bailing me out of my self-constructed blog crisis.  She had to be difficult and move to Florida though, so my only means of harassing her now is through phone, text, or IM.  I was trying to find a recipe she IM'ed me a while ago and ended up reading through all of our past IM's and laughing so hard I did this weird snorty thing, so I am sharing some highlights with you.  Enjoy.  I've left the typos.   me: just held lil tiny one month old baby

  so effing cute

and so nice to hand him back the minute he started crying

Jen: No joke...I'm so done with kids

me: I'll drink to that   me: Hi, I'm a fegan. That would be the word for a faux-vegan

 Jen: Sounds like a lord if the rings character

me: I am Fegan the Undecided, I shall pillage your veggies and maybe sneak a bite of sausage   me:Veep line fromt onight to spice things up :

  *tonight

  you know what the fuck I mean

  "Really, have you met most people, Amy? cause I have, and most of them are fucking idiots"

Julia L.D. speaks the truths.

 Jen: Never correct yourself with me, i have my lydia to English dictionary with me always

me: it is most handy and littered with profanity.

  *and slutty

 Jen: Way smitty

  Slutty

Auto correct didn't like slutty

  It's judgmental

 me: YOU DON'T KNOW ME AUTOCORRECT

  and yet you are an excellent judge of character

Jen: It refuses to let me type shitr

  S

  H

  I

  T

 me: Type "shiite" maybe you're talking about kurdish rebels.

 are they?

  wait

  is that true?

  goddamnit brain, you come up with weird facts   me: uuughhhhh SB just heated up his lunch and I would swear on a box of wine it smells like a bucket of rotten vegetables

 Jen: it probably is...well fermented anyway

me: so nasty

 Jen: speaks the woman who ate a baby sheep on a stick and muched up chick peas

 me: Baby sheep are delicious, don't step   me: Lookatcha with teh wedding pinboard :-)

  i love it

 Jen: oh thats me planning for Thing 1

 me: worse comes to worse we'll throw ourselves really big elaborate parties

 Jen: ive gone off marriage

  we can have theme parties

me: And have registries and everything

  and everyone will be contractually obligated to look worse than us

Jen: yeah, we can tell them its a troll and goblin party and we can dress as sexy fiaries or something

 me: Slutty faeries

 Jen: i pretty much have it all worked out in my head

me: I'm only undecided on teh proper # of man-slaves to carry us in

 Jen: never too many, thats my thought  Jen also has forever bad-ass-ness status because after I was all about how great rats are for pets she got two for her kids and then **this** happened   Jen: Dude, just got home from 1 night over at Dude's house

  and one of the rats ate the other one

  like from the side, all the guts and stuff

 me: OH MY HELL

Jen: we gave them lots of food before we left too

 me: Have you considered the possibility that your house is built on an Indian burial ground?  I mean, seriously.  Who has that happen to them?    Jen: ok so cannibal rat is like super rat

 me: did it wrestle a rattlesnake to death?

Jen: hes doing tricks now

  i think he killed the other one because it was inferior

 Me: you need to rename the rat cage Thunderdome  She also is a vegan.  A vegan WHO BAKES.  And makes really yummy amazing things that even non-vegans would eat.  me:I hate that for every "motivation to exercise" pin there's like 10 recipes of the worst junk food

  like cookie batter brownie bites with snickers topped with marshmallow fluff

  I just made that up but now I want ti

 *it

 Jen: i think i just went into a diabetic coma reading it

 me: but you're drooling too, right?

 Jen: maybe a little

 havent had snickers or fluff in a dogs age

  cookies and brownies....guilty!

coming up on my 9 month vegan anniversary

me: Vagaversary?

  Vegaversary

  vagina?what?

  Jen: vagwho?

 me: vagyourmama

 Jen: your momma so fat she eats her cereal out of a satellite dish

 

Jen: got that sunabitch IUD out yesterday

me: OMG ... I will say a rosary for your ladybits. You OK?

 Jen: fine now, but damn near kicked my dr in his face

 me: The WORST

 Jen: it was implanted in the UPPER PART OF MY UTERUS!!

what the fuckity fuck fuck

 me: Ugh ... my butthole just puckered for you

 Jen: yeah, it was nasty

  me: Only date snipped men

  it can be the lithmus test to see if they scare easily

Jen: not bad... "hi, your cute, are you shooting blanks? ok lets go out"

 me: While rocking some cleavage, don't get me wrong  me: ugh, pinterest is being a whore

 Jen: it's a pinstitute

does it have a pinp

 me: ba-dum-chingggggg thanks folks she'll be here all week  And that my lovaaahhhhhhs is the awesomeness of my Jen.  You can't have her so find your own.  But you can read her blog here and get inspired by her super awesome fantabulousness.  Peace, Love, Pinterest & Pimps. 

Garden Update, Spring '12

It's amazing to me that I took these pictures earlier this week and already the garden looks so different, so much more lush.  I'm also letting it overrun it's borders a bit - we planted the fig tree about 5 feet away where it has southern exposure but is sheltered from high winds, and planted everbearing strawberries (they produce May-September) along one side.  The two gardens that flank our driveway I am thinking of expanding as well, especially after going to a lecture at Longwood on "No-Mow Lawns", which actually had a lot more to do with not removing any greenery, even "weeds" from your lawn, and reducing the amount of lawn.  I also found out that our lawn which we had always called the "let anything grow that's green because we are both lazy and somewhat environmentally-conscious but mostly lazy" is actually called a .... wait for it, wait for it ....

Freedom

Lawn

Which sounds way better and makes us seem patriotic and awesome.

Soooo ... onto the garden!

From left to right - spinach, calendula, snap peas, garlic, carrots, lavender, kale, radish

 Slightly more planned out and well spaced then last year. In the background you can see the tomatoes that have gone in the ground, as well as the milk jug which is acting as upcycled mini-greenhouse and is starting my blondkopchen grape tomatoes. All tomatoes are going along the wall this year, for ease of getting to them and to keep them nice and warm at night. The 3 rows of garlic will be ready to dig up soon, and then I will plant additional carrots and radish in its place.. See? I have a plan. Kinda.

My kale plant that wintered over and kale seedlings, Mooch's planter of basil, and strawberries. The kale that wintered over keeps bolting and producing flowers and seedheads, which I just snap off and it continues to leaf out. The broccoli that wintered over bolted so badly I just had to yank out all 3 plants and compost them :-(

Side view

Close up of peas.  They need to have supports put up for them, hoping garden gnomes intercede.

Our fig tree. I was lucky enough to find an edible landscape advocate nearby who has a small nursery - this is a fourth year tree. It was completely happy after planting and really leafed out and produced fruits - and the dropped them all while they were still tiny. I contacted the grower and he said not to worry, this is typical when they go in the ground and it *should* produce another round of healthy, maturing fruits late summer.

In the meantime the ladybeetles are pretty happy.

 This is one of our front gardens. Peeking out from underneath the purple bush badly in need of pruning is oregano, behind the mum is a dandelion we keep for the greens, and there is my crazy rosemary that also needs to be pruned. In the middle is a knockout rosebush.

 From left to right, phlox with curly parsley below, a peony bush that used to be my grandmother's, chives, primrose, jacob's ladder, and stupid f-ing azalea. I don't like azalea. Too common and not that pretty .... but I digress. The chives and parsley both wintered over, and this will be the first season of that heirloom peony being in this new spot, with afternoon sun and slight shade.



Many more updates to come, of course - and if you are even slightly interested in food production, I cannot recommend this book enough:

I am tearing through it right now. Just read it, ok? Or I will dig up these azaleas and dump them at your house.

 

Dollar Store Confessions

I still haven't done this whole blog-reformat thing, because honestly every time I google re-formatting blog I get back answers like "Just log on, then click 'Layout' then click the button shaped vaguely-unicorn-ish then type in 'hey5973@$%&#kkk/////%%%~~~~fehfiqdjqxbi' but ONLY if you are using Windows 10 or later then if your state has a population of more than 83,000 type in 'boo' and then sacrifice a baby goat.  So easy"

So then instead I log onto Pinterest for hours and eat chocolate.

Although only a little bit.  I've finally gotten fed up enough with the post-two-babies wubby (that's  a real word) belly to commit to getting rid of it.  I've been trying to introduce more vegetarian meals to the family anyway, and I've never really been a meat person.  Hold in your dirty jokes.  I don't really go for steak or pork or even chicken that much anymore, but I cannot be a normal functioning member of society that doesn't routinely stab people without chocolate.  Cue all the amazing vegan blogs out there that have dessert recipes without added sugar and some even include vegetables.  THANK YOU INTERNET.

I've also made friends with this bitch

I love to run but it is hard on your knees, and only really tones your legs.  So I alternate running days with Jillian.  It's only 20 minutes and it is crazy intense.  I also have her 6 Week Sixpack DVD and it is KILLAH.  Her voice does grate on my nerves after a while so I've been muting her and laughing when she starts yelling into the camera.  I can't hear you, Jillian.

Last night I set out all my running stuff and remembered to plug in my iPod and everything and went to bed early.  And then of course I slept until 7.  And rocketed out of bed yelling "OHMYGODeveryoneupwe'rerunninglategahhhhhhhh!!"  and hustled through the morning. 

The Co-op is a 10 minute walk from my work and we needed the organic apples that don't make me break out in hives, so because I didn't work out this morning I decided to walk there at lunch.  And 5 minutes in I realize the super cute pair of shoes I got from that shoe store who's prices make me cringe were rubbing my toes in all the wrong ways.  The shoes that were subconsciously convincing me in the store that they would lovingly cradle my feet because I was willing to spend a truckload of money on them.  I made it to the Co-op but on the way back was debating calling the Mister to ask him for a ride for the last 3 blocks.  Then I remembered - this crappy mini-mall that I'm passing has a Dollar Store in it!  Three whole dollars later and I was in bliss.

Dollar Store flip-flops, crafted by angels.  Complete with chipped pedicure and angry red welts left by Nazi-shoes.

 I adore flip-flops.  There was a fancy flip-flop store in our town that sold $50 flip-flops.  Fifty damn dollars?  It's a piece of rubber with two pieces of fabric.  And now I sound like my grandmother.

The moral of this story (?) is of course that the Dollar Store rules, expensive shoes lie and Jillian Michaels will yell at you but you can always mute her.  Or something like that.

If This Blog Was a Baby It Would Have Been Taken By the State By Now.

So neglected, this blog .... sooooo neglected .....

It's become obvious that there will be some changes in my life, that things need to change if I'm going to be truly happy.  Starting towards your dream career at 33 is exciting but also incredibly daunting when you think of just how long it could take.  I refuse to compromise the standards I have for how my children are raised for anything. 
I've talked before about the struggle of being a work outside the home mother.  I'm simply not around my kids as much as I want to be.  My husband is more supportive than most, but there are still implied jabs that I'm not "all about the kids" from him and others.  And you know what?  I never thought I would work after I had kids.  But things change and we are in a position where I need to work.  And now I will most likely be switching departments with guidelines that I have to go full time within the next two years.  These days it's more likely that both spouses have to work then one can stay at home. 
And that is NOT our fault.
The argument "well you could just cut back and then you could stay home" makes me see red.  We never go out, I cook for the family 95% of the time, and I'm wearing a dress right now that I bought 7 years ago.  And we still baaaaaaaarely squeak by every month.
My whole thought process on this started when I got back from Seattle.  My husband was rude and obviously annoyed with me when I got back.  Why?  Because I told him that I went out to events and parties the nights that I was there that were directly related to the conference I was helping out with.  Could I have stayed in the hotel?  Yes.  But why would I?  Why isn't it ok for me to enjoy a city that I wouldn't have been able to go to on my own?  Why is it STILL - in 2012 - not ok for a woman's first thought process to not constantly be putting someone else in front of herself?

I have two gorgeous daughters who are going to do big, amazing things.  And one day I'll have to send them out into the world and look on as their hearts get broken and they realize that not everyone has their best interests in mind.  But until then I can show them that it's alright to take care of yourself just as well as you take care of everyone else.  That they are worthy of every great thing that will ever happen to them and to enjoy this life, this one life that they have here to make their dreams come true. 
 Pictures from Easter with their favorite cousins ...

Hey There Strangers ...

I'm in the process of picking a new layout and design for this space, and the gracious and lovely Jen of Sweet Bliss, who just happens to be my best friend, has agreed to help me since she is more tech-savvy than me.  Not that that's hard.
And to tell you the truth it's hard to get excited about posting because I'm impatient and easily distracted and I want my shiny new awesome blog layout RIGHT NOW. 
I blame Pinterest.  It's addictive and makes you ask the big questions - like why did me and Daniel Craig never hook up and why the HELL don't I have a restored antique clawfoot tub in my bathroom?  And why have I never gotten around to converting that old bureau into a play kitchen/bunk bed for my kids?  Yes Pinterest - you maybe inspire us to set the bar slightly high.

These things do all make me happy, however -
http://pinterest.com/mamasthyme/moments-of-beauty/

And these things make me giggle -
http://pinterest.com/mamasthyme/heh-heh-heh/

And I can legitimately claim that I have made TWO WHOLE THINGS I saw on Pinterest.  Yes.  Don't be intimidated (I'm kidding, of course you are)
I'll leave you with Butterbean and her first attempt at lipstick.  Lord, BB, use liner first!

Mama's Got A Brand New Bag

... except the bag is actually a textbook which is much less fun.  (But more useful, let's be honest)

Sorry 'bout the glare, I am bad at Photo Booth.
So.  Actually starting this path towards the degree in Landscape Horticulture and Design, and the first step is MATH.  Which is in capitals because it is intimidating, like another class I have to take called CHEMISTRY. (dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnn).  What were my worst two subjects in high school?  You know, math and science.  Strangely I am enjoying math this time around, and figuring out I am not "bad at math" just "super lazy and unmotivated".  I also am thanking the baby Jesus for YouTube, because there are awesome tutorials on there for everything I'm getting stuck on.  Also super thankful that I work at a university and walked over to meet with a prof. in the Math department and told her I was studying ahead of my math class in the fall, and she straight up just handed me a $100 textbook to borrow for the summer, complete with a tutorial DVD.  And French Post Doc, aside from being annoying because he speaks French and I don't, is a math genius and happens to sit right in my crosshairs hallway, and will be SUPER happy to help.  Won't you, FPD??

When I'm not studying and finally wrapping my brain around prime numbers (oh, OHHHHHHHH) I'm reading the most beautiful and simply inspiring book I've read in a long time, Seeing Trees, by Robert Llewellyn and Nancy R. Hugo.  I randomly grabbed this off the new arrivals shelf at the library and could not put it down.  It's so simple - genetic traits and characteristics of everyday trees - maple, oak, sweet gum, beech, gingko, pine - photographed and described in vivid, simplistic terms.  She (Hugo) describes the fertilization process of these trees, bark characteristics, budding stages, root maturation processes, etc.  You will never be able to walk or take a run again without noticing these things you take for granted, whether Osage orange balls or dropped willow whips.  In fact, several early-morning runs have been delayed because I find horse chestnut buds or early sweet gum balls and have to stop and study them.  And sometimes this happens -

... where I am staring intently up at a bud on a branch, trying to determine if it is white oak or red oak (it was red), after a 4 mile run and do not see the slight rise in the sidewalk and trip and fall and bruise myself.  Read at your own risk, you guys.