Sometimes, because I'm a great big stupid head, I agree to do 8000 things at once and promise to much to everyone and then end up running to and fro and stressing, not sleeping, etc. This is kind of happening right now. My sister is getting married in 11 days, and I'm helping get my parents' house ready for her ceremony and reception, making little belts for my other sister and I to wear (we are dual maids-of-honor, although we both like to point out to her her honor is long gone), and exercising like crazy to look the part of stone cold fox. Then, a good friend was telling me about her and her long time boyfriend getting married, the day after my sister. She showed me a picture of the bouquet she wanted and I heard myself say, "I could totally make that for you!" WHAT?!?!?? So now I am also making her a seashell bouquet and 3 matching boutonierres. <-I don't know how to spell that. See, I can't even spell them and I will be making them. Insanity I tell you.
Anyway, the rest of the vaca pics. This is Fort Sewell, a Revolutionary War fort. During the summer there are all kinds of goings-on here, like the Festival of Arts Champagne Reception, which I have very selflessly donated to several times. ;-)
Nana helping Bean up the back of the fort.
And now, for the question. I have to ask this in vague terms, forgive me. It's just a touchy situation right now.
If you have an extended family member who you have been close to for most of your life, but who is now making poor decisions that effect other family, how do you nicely but firmly let them know you can't be involved with them for now? And, is it ever ok to put up a boundary like that within your family? And if this person is a parent, how do you allow your children to have a relationship?
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I'll answer your question with a question... if you can't be involved with them right now, why would you want your children to be? And yes, it is okay to put up a boundary. Sometimes the only way people will see the folly of their ways is if there is a risk of losing something (or someone) they love.
ReplyDeleteI strongly believe in boundaries and listening to my instincts. Follow your gut and pull away from the situation taking your children with you.
ReplyDeleteI believe that we are the caretakers of our offspring not our life givers. It's not to say that you don't care about all family but if someone isn't good for you, there is not doubt that they would not be good for your child. Your only thought should be for your kiddos.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard thing to do. I had to cut us off from my father and it was difficult, embarrasing and hurtful all the way around but I had to protect my child. Oma Linda
Your little ones are so adorable! Great vacation pics! And as for the question... I've had numerous talks with family members about the way they act, especially around my child. If I find their actions/decisions inappropriate and feel it is effecting the family I've made for myself then they have 2 options: Keep their crap to themselves and away from us or just stay away from us. Period. I've had to put up a lot of boundaries with my family, mainly to save my sanity. If you're able to discuss with them how their actions are bothering you and can come to some sort of agreement about what is appropriate, especially concerning your children, then that might be the best course of action. But if that kind of talk is impossible then it's only best to protect your children if it's necessary. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Hopefully things will work out for you.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I do the same thing with the 8,000 things. Now I have never had a problem saying, "No, thank you" unless it sounded like something fun. Then I am all over it and end up running around crazy in a sort of green witch with sprinkles way. ;-)
ReplyDeleteSecond, way to pull off the beach cover-up - you honestly look great. Your girls look too precious and the Mister looks proud to be with his ladies. Beautiful family.
Now for your question...I believe that if someone is making poor decisions, no matter who it is, you have every right to tell them that you do not agree with their lives and will not be a part of it. It is not a judgement, but rather, as you said, a boundary. And when it comes to your children, you have every right to do what you see is necessary to keep them safe and healthy, whether that be physically, emotionally and spiritually. Do what you need to take care of you and yours, honey. Everyone else is second.