The Veggie Burger That Will Change Your Life

So it's spring ... we skipped the whole winter thing this year.  This was the great snowstorm of 2012 in the mid-Atlantic ....

Slush angels!

Good thing I stocked up on can goods and knocked that old lady out for the last loaf of bread. We're snowed in!

I'm hot Mama, can I take my coat off?

Boooo.  I like at least one good snowstorm a year.

I know we are all hooked on Pinterest and letting it make us feel like failures as decorators/cooks/craft-types/model-types (my pinboard is here) so I take it as a personal challenge to test out any particularly raved-about pin.  That whole "put a chopstick on a boiling pot and it won't boil over"??  FALSE!  I got a little excited to comment on that one.  However, the apple slices with mini marshmallows between them to look like teeth thing was so easy and so cute, and I got to feel super-mommyish at Mooch's birthday party until my sister called me out for getting the idea from Pinterest.  WHATEVER.

I re-pinned this recipe for Sweet Potato and Bean Burgers and it took me a while to hunt down the link, but here it is -  http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2012/02/easy-sweet-potato-veggie-burgers-with.html
I was planning on making the kids turkey burgers with sweet potato fries anyway, so I just peeled and chopped up extra sweet potato and threw it in a pot of boiling water.  When it was fork-tender I drained it and added rinsed and drained black beans (1 can - I was out of cannelini) then used a potato masher to mash everything up.  I added 1 Tb tahini sauce, a dash of lemon juice, s&p, and about 1/4 c of panko bread crumbs. 

Word to the wise, I tried these on the George Forman since that's what I was making on the kid's burgers on - nooooope.  They fall apart and don't crisp up.  Definitely either pan fry them or put them under the broiler.  I used olive oil in my cast iron skillet - lightly coat the patties with additional panko before frying them.

Served over a bed of greens with avocado and of course, Frank's Red Hot.  These were sweet and savory at the same time and I haven't been able to stop eating them.  I had high hopes of freezing these and having them available for work lunches but they went too fast. 

It is the veggie burger that makes you forget why you would ever want a fast food version.  Now to plot out my sweet potato patch.

Left on the table by my sweet big girl - she loves her "famale" :-)

Make Granola, Not War

True story - I once worked at this super-fancy gym for a summer just because I wanted to be able to work out there for free.  Everyone who worked out there came in in designer work out clothes and full makeup and drove these gigantic SUV's.  Obviously I looked slightly out of place pulling up in my '01 Focus and running on the treadmill in stretched-out yoga pants.
I was working at the front desk and one day this family that looked like they had stepped out of a J. Crew catalogue came in and my coworker nudged me and pointed and the trophy-wife had "PINK TACO"* written across the ass of her pants.  I shit you not.  Her kids, who were behind her, were old enough to read.  When I recounted to the Mister he said I should have told her her pants were on backwards.  I LOVE THIS MAN.

 One of the Pilates teachers who worked there was always super cranky and the staff couldn't stand her.  One of my front desk bitches said this chick was on the "Master Cleanse".  Have you heard of this?  No?  Wikipedia, help us out, will you?

Master Cleanse is a modified juice fast that permits no food. There are three parts to the regimen. Each morning one drinks a cup of water with 2 teaspoons of salt or a cup of herbal laxative tea. This is followed by six to twelve lemonade drinks during the day. Finally, a cup of herbal laxative tea is taken in the evening. The lemonade is made from purified or spring water, fresh squeezed lemon juice, organic maple syrup and cayenne pepper. The alleged purpose is to "detoxify" the body and remove excess fat. The regimen is followed for a minimum of ten days.

Because nothing says I'm healthy and sexaaaayyy like having non-stop diarrhea and routinely fainting since all you're allowed to consume is cayenne pepper lemonade.  No wonder this woman was bitchy.  My regular talking voice would have been full-on yelling.

There are lots of cleanses out there and for the life of me I can't figure out why people are so into them.  Quick fix?  I guess - but you also gain back any weight you lose when you go back to eating regular food.  That they're even referred to as "cleanses" kills me - your body does a fine job of removing toxins itself, as long as you eat right.  When you attempt to "flush toxins" with an extreme diet you also upset the balance of good bacteria in your gut and leave your immune system compromised, and you can do serious damage to your digestion.  And you will probably be like Bitchnado Pilates Instructor and people won't want to be around you.  

  Instead, just make granola, ok?
My mama always made granola and we would eat it like cereal in the morning, and use it to top apple sauce and yogurt.  This is my own, loosely measured recipe.  I tend to use whatever I have on hand and once substituted finely chopped up apple for the dried fruit (I added it for the last 20 minutes so it would dehydrate) and it was extra good - the fruit juice means you don't need to use as much honey.

Mama's Granola 

3 c rolled oats
1/2 c each finely chopped almonds, walnuts, and pecans (or whatever nuts you have on hand)
1/2 c raw sunflower seeds
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 c whole wheat flour
1/4 c water
1/4 c honey (or agave nectar for vegan version)
1 1/4 c dried fruit (raisins, blueberries, cranberries, goji berries, whatever you prefer) 

Preheat oven to 250.  On large rimmed baking sheet mix oats, nuts, sunflower seeds, cinnamon, and whole wheat flour.  In a small bowl whisk together water and honey.  This will be the "glue" to bind your granola a bit more.  Pour over oat mixture and toss well with a spatula.  Bake for 1 1/2 hrs, until granola is lightly toasted on top, tossing mixture every 20 minutes to toast evenly.  Add dried fruit for the last 5 minutes of baking.

This recipe makes a LOT of granola, but don't worry, I know two minions who can help if you don't finish it all.

 *The "Pink Taco" from what I gather is a bar in Florida that caters exclusively to assholes impressed by a vague vagina reference. 
 

It's Fall, Y'all

Remember mystery vine?  The one that sprouted out of our compost bin and creeped through the fence and started growing all over my neighbor's yard?  Because she is the nicest lady ever she didn't get upset, and actually said she was interested to see what it turned into.  When it started sprouting pumpkins I told her she should of course keep whatever pumpkins she got, but she insisted that the girls should have them. For some reason the ones that grew on our side of the fence are a weird shape, kind of butternut squash/pumpkin hybrid, but hers were perfectly formed "faerie tale" pumpkins.
Mooch was so excited to get to pick them.  Who needs a pumpkin patch when you've got a compost bin??

 I wanted a new fall wreath for the front door, but I'm picky.  We've all seen some of the fall themed ones on Pinterest, and some are cute but some are just .... not me.  Let's just say if it can be described as "cute" I'm not going to dig it.
I had this simple wreath frame I picked up at The Thrift Store That Shall Not Be Named

I found fake leaves and yummy smelling potpourri at the Dollar Store.  Brainstorm - some of the potpourri has interesting stuff in it, seedpods and herbs and such, that are really pretty, and this variety smells fall-y without being overpowering.

Of course I ended up being totally sucked in to the fall and Halloween decorations at the Dollar Store, which happens every year even though I swear this year will be different.  I turned a corner, and lo and behold ...

Is there anyone out there who DOESN'T need about a million of these?  I only got 2 and I'm kicking myself.  I want to cover the front of my house in them.  

The Mister came in and took a look and said jokingly, "Now you just need to put a 3rd eye on them!" and then saw how excited I got and immediately said, "That was a JOKE."

"But I'm so going to do that.  Best idea ever.  High five, craft buddy!"

"Don't do it.  People already think you're a witch"

"Too late, seed of brilliance planted."

And after a night of wine consumption and burning my fingers - again- with hot glue and catching up on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (and the horrible realization that I think I don't hate Camille so much now) this is the beast:

 I love it.  I have a Halloween sign that I put up every year that says "Don't Make Me Use My Flying Monkeys" with a pair of witch's boots underneath it, but I do not want to take this down.  

I'm trying to harvest herbs and preserve them now.  (In all my spare time.  HA)  I did pull up my basil plants the other day, and made vegan basil/chive pesto that is pretty amazing.  My chives never flowered this year, which I think is because they were in too much shade, but I still have lots.

 Guess who won't take off her Halloween costume?

I did not measure (I don't really, ever) but here is an approximation:
Vegan Basil Chive Pesto
Approx. 3 c of basil leaves
A good handful of chives
1/4 c macadamia nuts
2 Tb pine nuts
olive oil
salt & pepper
1 clove garlic, crushed
Place macadamia nuts and pine nuts in food processor and process until it resembles coarse flour.  Add basil and chives, pulse until incorporated.  Add olive oil (about 1-2 Tb) salt & pepper to taste, and crushed garlic clove, pulse until completely combined.
And in closing, if you don't follow The Blogess, your life up until this moment has been completely wasted. 

Forgetting My Manners

... I am.  That sounded very Yoda.  But thank you all, for taking the time to read and offer advice with the extended family situation.  After an email was sent out from this person that was basically a string of lies, half-truths, and manipulation, I wrote back and asked not to be contacted again until this person was ready to tell the truth.  The response I got back was hurtful - but also closure.  Until someone is ready to help themselves, you can't really do anything to help them.  

Your kind words and advice are very appreciated - thank you.

And I have to share this.  *Warning* you will need a box of tissues to get through it - it is heartbreaking.  A blogger named Jennie from In Jennie's Kitchen  lost her husband very unexpectedly to a heart attack.  They have two young daughters.  She is asking everyone to make a peanut butter pie, one of her husband's favorites (that she had been planning on making him, but did not get the chance) and serve it to someone you love.  
The day I read it I burst into tears, right at my desk, in the middle of trying to read while eating my lunch.  Did I mention my desk is at the end of a hallway and people walk by all the time?  Yeah.  Then the Mister called and I tried to tell him about it and started bawling all over again. And being the sensitive individual that he is he offered these words of comfort: "Are you freaking PREGNANT?!?!?!!"
(p.s. - no I am not)

Make pie, give it to someone you love - or give it to someone who isn't expecting anything from you.  Wouldn't that be lovely?
Peace and love my friends ...

Food Porn

Karen from The Art of Doing Stuff posted a recipe for no-bake cookies, or "ies" a while back and I had been itching to try them.  Since I have the sweet tooth from hell, I like to keep healthier dessert alternatives around so I don't go crazy, and these are perfect.  And do you really want to turn on your oven in the summer?  These kind of taste like eating raw cookie dough, one of my favorite pastimes :-)

The recipe and Karen's post are here, I will only include the photos of our raw cookie adventure!

 It looks like poo, I know.  And is that ... a pinch taken out?  What the ....

Culprit.  She shows no remorse.

 Yummy!  So easy, so good.  
Words to the wise: OK, this may be obvious to everyone else but me, but dates have pits.  Big pits.  You have to remove them before you add them to the food processor so you don't, you know, almost blow out the motor :-/
My own lil' University has a farmers market every summer, and I went to my first one last week.  Scored a gigantic bag of produce for $6.20!  Including a baguette that I'm not ashamed to say I ate a third of before it made it home.  I also got some beautiful mushrooms from their mushroom bar, and last night made this with it:

 Mmmm mmm mmm.  I made up a whole wheat pastry crust and rolled it out on a cookie sheet, then caramelized some onions in my skillet, and added thinly sliced yellow squash from the garden and the mushrooms.  Into this went some rosemary and thyme from the garden, and I cooked everything down a bit and then spread it over the crust, and topped it with a 3 cheese blend (Parmesan, mozzarella, and provolone).  I folded the edges in a bit and baked it at 350 for about 1/2 an hour.  So good.  And the girls thought it was pizza :-) 
On the side was our new favorite, radish sauteed with greens

This is what I pulled up yesterday

Meet Radzilla.

Maybe this doesn't show scale enough - sucker was the size of a potato.
What's everyone doing for the Solstice today?  I think we are going to bake some bread, Mooch and her Daddy have a movie date so I get some solo Butterbean snuggle time.
Blessed Litha!

How To Make ... Fried Zucchini Blossoms

So you picked up some zucchinis from the farmer's market (or picked some from your garden - very resourceful, you!), and if you were really, really lucky some still had a blossom attached to the end.  And maybe you picked them off and tossed them in your compost bin and didn't think anything of it.
Oh, if you only knew what you just threw away!
A few years ago I read Marlena di Blasi's book A Thousand Days In Venice, and it pretty much rocked my socks.  She describes a festival celebrating the lowly zucchini blossom, and tasting fried ones for the first time ever.  Of course I had to try it too (SN:  The same thing happened when I read La Cucina.  I started making timballo and now it is a family staple - but I digress)
You'll love this for so many reasons - it utilizes a completely forgotten about product of your garden, it's quick and easy, and they are so good you can never quite make enough.  The last picture, of the plate of them?  Yeah.  devoured by yours truly in about a minute.
So to start, you get a big ol' heap of blossoms.  Try to take both female (the ones growing on the squash) and male (the ones growing on stalks, if some ignorant ass bunny hasn't made off with them yet)

Here's the thing : you can't really wash them.  If you do they get really soggy and don't work.  I shake mine and brush them with paper towels to get off any dirt or buggies.  Take comfort in the fact whatever is on there isn't nearly as bad for you as the can of soda you consume without thinking twice.

Mix up the batter.  There is some kind of ratio here that I have forgotten.  I put two big spoonfuls of flour in a bowl, then pour on club soda until it's the consistency of thick cream.  

 Whisk it up!

Line up your ingredients like so, and heat vegetable oil in a big skillet over medium heat.  You want enough oil that they won't stick, so don't be shy.  They are worth it.

When your oil is hot, dip the blossoms in batter, and then shake off nearly all of it.  These need just the slightest coating.  Again, soggy blossoms = no.

Into ze pan!

I find it's easiest to flip these with a pair of tongs.

  While doing this, scald your finger with a flying drop of oil, then realize you own a perfectly good splatter screen

When the blossoms are all nice and golden-y brown, drain them on a double-thickness of towels, and sprinkle liberally with salt.

Wolf them all down and get yelled at by your 5 year old because you didn't save her any.

There are all kinds of delicious variations you can make here - last year we stuffed them with blue cheese and fresh jalapenos from the garden, and very nearly died of ecstasy.  They would also be yummy with white bean dip inside ... but truly, they are amazing just like this.

Peace, love, and produce! :-)

 

Green Enchiladas & Kale Chips

I love kale.  I started cooking with it a few years back for the famous Italian Wedding Soup, and since then we've tried it lots of different ways.  Friends kept telling me about kale chips but for some reason it took me forever to try making them, but I am HOOKED.  Easy, good for you, and so yummy.  I was at a loss for a side dish for the green enchiladas I was making with some leftover rotisserie chicken, so I added some spice to these, and they were perfect.

Chili-Lime Kale Chips
1 large bunch of kale, rinsed and patted dry, ribs removed
2 tsp fresh squeezed lime juice
2 Tb olive oil
1 tsp chili powder
Sea salt to taste

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.  Cut the kale into 2" pieces and arrange on two large rimmed baking sheets.  In a small bowl whisk together olive oil, lime juice, and chili powder.  Use a basting brush dipped in mixture to sprinkle it evenly across kale.  Sprinkle with sea salt.  Bake for 10 minutes, remove pans from oven and toss chips so that they crisp evenly, and bake again for another 5 minutes.  I adjusted the baking times from other recipes that I saw because they reduced the kale chips to almost nothing.

Green Enchiladas
One day last week I ran late picking up the girls and stopped by the supermarket and grabbed a rotisserie chicken for an easy dinner.  You can easily substitute beans in here to make this a vegetarian meal, but this was a great way to use up the rest of the chicken.
1 c Goya Recaito Cilantro Sauce
1 c milk
2 c leftover chicken, shredded; or 1 can of beans, drained
1/2 c shredded Mexican cheese
1/2 large onion, chopped
3 jalapenos, finely diced
6" flour tortillas


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a small skillet heat 2 Tb olive oil, then add onion and jalapeno.  Saute for 5 minutes, until onions are just translucent.  Remove from heat and set aside.  
In a large bowl whisk together milk and cilantro sauce.  Take one tortilla, dip in cilantro sauce mixture, and lay on a cutting board.  Add shredded chicken, onion and jalapeno mixture, and cheese.  Roll up and place in a rectangular baking dish, repeat process with remaining ingredients.  Pour any remaining cilantro sauce mixture over enchiladas, and top with more cheese.  Bake for 35 minutes, until tops begin to turn golden.

We used to be omnivores, now we're flexitarians!

That's the new "it" foodie word right now.  It kind of makes me giggle and think it sounds a bit more like a sexual preference than a way of eating, but whatever.  
I understand and totally respect vegetarians and vegans, it just would not be the right option for me.  Personally I think we have teeth for plant matter and teeth for meat, and digestive systems that can handle both, so that should tell us something.  I tend to bring everything back to caveman times, so let's go there - meat would have been on the menu, but sparingly.  Our ancestors ate a lot more vegetable matter, seeds, nuts, and fruits and saved the meat heavy meals for the lucky days someone speared a mastadon.  So our digestive systems and bodies have evolved from that "starting point" to meat 3x a day, refined sugar-heavy diets, and food who's origin more often than not is unknown.  
It always makes me grit my teeth with frustration when someone says "Healthy food is more expensive!  I'm not rich, I can't afford it!"  Well, if you are talking about a box of prepared food (mac n' cheese, cereal, cookies, etc) than yes, the product made with the good stuff IS more expensive.  But how about the starter ingredients?  A huge bunch of kale will run you about $1.  Kale chips, kale soup, biscuits stuffed with kale, stir-fry.  A ginormous butternut squash will run you about $2.  That is butternut bisque  which will make enough for several meals, or if your kids won't touch it, bake & puree it and use it to fortify breads or soups they do like.  Did she say bread??  Yes, bread.  Bake it yourself.  Not only is it incredibly satisfying and makes your house smell heavenly, it tastes 1,000 time better than anything you buy at the grocery store.  Invest in bulk grains, bulk ingredients in general - you will save money and motivate yourself to feed your family in a more conscious way.  And if you think you won't have the time, it just takes some planning.  I woke up this morning at 5:30, went for a run, started some bread and left it to rise, then defrosted some cauliflower puree and whisked it into eggs which the girls ate on whole-wheat bread I baked Wednesday.  I work 30 hours a week and have a husband who thinks housework is a 4-letter word.  You can make it work.
I came across a package of wheat berries at the Co-op and was intrigued.  I love a good food challenge.   I googled "wheat berries" and came across a bunch of farro recipes - they are both whole wheat grains, and there is debate about whether they are an exact match or not.  Either way, they are prepared the same.
 We had absolutely gorged on beef bourguignon the night before, so I felt the need to lighten us up for the rest of the week.
  But damn, that bourguignon was food of the gods.
I had also bought bok choy earlier in the week, which I had never cooked.  It was one of those nights of "Hmmm, want to make something, but what?  Well, I have these wheat berries and this bok choy, and some sweet potatoes, and ooh that homemade ginger sauce would be yummy here, somehow"
So here is my creation, and the recipe for you to try:

Ginger-Glazed Vegetables Over Wheat Berry Risotto
1 c wheat berries
1 c vegetable stock 
1/2 med. onion, chopped
4 Tb olive oil
1 lg sweet potato, peeled and diced
2 c snap peas, ends snapped off
1 lg head of bok choy, rinsed and chopped

1 Tb corn starch
1/2 c water
2Tb soy sauce
1Tb brown sugar
2Tb fresh ginger root, peeled and finely grated
2 cloves garlic, sliced
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
2Tb grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

First, heat 2 Tb of the oil in a medium saucepan.  Add the onion and cook until translucent, then add the wheat berries.  Stir and cook for 2 minutes, then add the vegetable stock.  Lower heat to a simmer and cover, stirring occasionally until the liquid is absorbed.  As soon as it is, add 1 c water.  Repeat process until this is absorbed, then add 1/2 c water more and repeat.  Add Parmesan cheese, if using.
In the meantime,  add 1 Tb olive oil to a large skillet and heat over medium heat.  Add the sweet potato and cook for about 5 minutes, until the outsides are slightly browned.  Add enough water to the pan to slightly submerge the sweet potatoes, then cover.  Allow to cook for about 10 minutes, until sweet potatoes are easily pierced with a fork.  Drain and set sweet potatoes aside on a plate. 
In a small bowl whisk together corn starch and the 1/2 c water.  Add soy sauce, brown sugar, grated ginger, sliced garlic, and red pepper flakes.  Set aside.
Add remaining olive oil to pan and add bok choy and snap peas.  Cook about 2 minutes, then return the sweet potatoes to pan with the ginger sauce.  Stir and cook until sauce thickens and vegetables are tender, then serve over wheat berries.

We all loved this, even the Mister

Happy Flexitarian-ing!! *giggle*

Thrifting Finds & Other Junk

One of my favorite blogs in the blogosphere, Octoberfarm, features all of Jaz' amazing thrift store finds, and I thought I'd take a cue and show off a few of my most recent purchases.  All were bought at Goodwill - the Mister says I have an addiction - but I love that I can get my shopping fix for under $10.

A little mini chiminea, with it's own stand.  This was $3.  I may try to burn some incense in here with a little bit of self-starting charcoal, or just find a pretty candle for it.

Cool little candle holder, $2.

This little bird was $3, and it's tiny but beautiful.  They also had a blue jay, a pileated woodpecker, and a robin - but this one was my favorite.  I'm hoping there are some left come payday so I can go pick some more up!
Speaking of payday ... we all go through financial crunches, and due to having to have some work done on our car, paying off a loan, etc. we are without a lot of extra cash right now.  I'm taking this as an opportunity to remind myself to consume less and use more.  
I really wanted to blow out eggs and make quiche with the girls the other day, but I got home to 3 eggs and I didn't feel like going out for more, so I improvised.  

I defrosted two chicken breasts (we buy them in bulk at BJ's) and marinated them in leftover buttermilk and rosemary snipped off my hedge.
After about an hour I preheated the oven to 350, then took the chicken breasts and cut a slit in them, then stuffed them with baby spinach and mozzarella.  Then I coated them in panko bread crumbs and crushed a clove of garlic over each.

I baked them for around an hour.  They came out really, really good - although if you use as much garlic as I did, be warned - it was intense!
Speaking of the eggs that didn't get blown out, I did dig out previous years' eggs and put together my little wreath.
I started with a grapevine wreath I got at Goodwill for $1 a long time ago, which I had glued these little pods onto to look like flowers.  This was one of those projects that sounded good in my head, but I didn't like the way it turned out - so I had stuck it in the garage and forgot about it, until I thought of the wreath-egg project.

I used a hot glue gun to attach the eggs.  

When I attached the first few I thought, "Meh" but I love the way it turned out.  It's hanging on our front door, with our hyacinths blooming in the beds on either side.

This egg we dyed last year by laying a fern leaf on it, wrapping it in old pantyhose, and boiling it in a pot with onion skins.  I love this effect!
Be well.