Hey There Strangers ...

I'm in the process of picking a new layout and design for this space, and the gracious and lovely Jen of Sweet Bliss, who just happens to be my best friend, has agreed to help me since she is more tech-savvy than me.  Not that that's hard.
And to tell you the truth it's hard to get excited about posting because I'm impatient and easily distracted and I want my shiny new awesome blog layout RIGHT NOW. 
I blame Pinterest.  It's addictive and makes you ask the big questions - like why did me and Daniel Craig never hook up and why the HELL don't I have a restored antique clawfoot tub in my bathroom?  And why have I never gotten around to converting that old bureau into a play kitchen/bunk bed for my kids?  Yes Pinterest - you maybe inspire us to set the bar slightly high.

These things do all make me happy, however -
http://pinterest.com/mamasthyme/moments-of-beauty/

And these things make me giggle -
http://pinterest.com/mamasthyme/heh-heh-heh/

And I can legitimately claim that I have made TWO WHOLE THINGS I saw on Pinterest.  Yes.  Don't be intimidated (I'm kidding, of course you are)
I'll leave you with Butterbean and her first attempt at lipstick.  Lord, BB, use liner first!

Mama's Got A Brand New Bag

... except the bag is actually a textbook which is much less fun.  (But more useful, let's be honest)

Sorry 'bout the glare, I am bad at Photo Booth.
So.  Actually starting this path towards the degree in Landscape Horticulture and Design, and the first step is MATH.  Which is in capitals because it is intimidating, like another class I have to take called CHEMISTRY. (dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnn).  What were my worst two subjects in high school?  You know, math and science.  Strangely I am enjoying math this time around, and figuring out I am not "bad at math" just "super lazy and unmotivated".  I also am thanking the baby Jesus for YouTube, because there are awesome tutorials on there for everything I'm getting stuck on.  Also super thankful that I work at a university and walked over to meet with a prof. in the Math department and told her I was studying ahead of my math class in the fall, and she straight up just handed me a $100 textbook to borrow for the summer, complete with a tutorial DVD.  And French Post Doc, aside from being annoying because he speaks French and I don't, is a math genius and happens to sit right in my crosshairs hallway, and will be SUPER happy to help.  Won't you, FPD??

When I'm not studying and finally wrapping my brain around prime numbers (oh, OHHHHHHHH) I'm reading the most beautiful and simply inspiring book I've read in a long time, Seeing Trees, by Robert Llewellyn and Nancy R. Hugo.  I randomly grabbed this off the new arrivals shelf at the library and could not put it down.  It's so simple - genetic traits and characteristics of everyday trees - maple, oak, sweet gum, beech, gingko, pine - photographed and described in vivid, simplistic terms.  She (Hugo) describes the fertilization process of these trees, bark characteristics, budding stages, root maturation processes, etc.  You will never be able to walk or take a run again without noticing these things you take for granted, whether Osage orange balls or dropped willow whips.  In fact, several early-morning runs have been delayed because I find horse chestnut buds or early sweet gum balls and have to stop and study them.  And sometimes this happens -

... where I am staring intently up at a bud on a branch, trying to determine if it is white oak or red oak (it was red), after a 4 mile run and do not see the slight rise in the sidewalk and trip and fall and bruise myself.  Read at your own risk, you guys.

You Know When ....

You know when your boss who has a PhD doesn't read an email that was sent to him?  And then something goes wrong because said boss did not read through that email?  And then somehow it becomes your fault for not marching into boss' office, email in hand, and demanding they listen carefully as you loudly read through email, stressing important points?  Yeah, that.
OK, focus on the positive - since it's so warm I planted radish, carrots, and dill yesterday, and my 3 rows of garlic are good and sprouted.  I pulled the wisps of Butterbean's hair up into pigtails today and they stuck straight out, she looked like Cindy Lou-Who.  Mooch said, Bean I love you even though you look ridiculous - let's start wishing for some real hair for you.  And it's Friday.  THANK THE BABY JEEBUS.

Not Annoying Me: A Handy Users Guide

There I was, innocently sitting at me desk when Smelly Boss feels the need to give me a blow-by-blow, in-depth account of passing his kidney stone.  When he started using hand gestures I looked down and started furiously typing ("Agenda for NMAJIDGHSIUHFSIOUJIOWUIOWEUIR") and he still didn't get the hint. 
This man is repulsive on every sensory level.

I consider myself pretty patient but it is true that after Mooch was born my patience percentages are as follows:
90% - kids
5% - Mister
5% - the whole rest of the world

Feel free to copy and paste or respond with what annoys YOU.  Really, we are doing a public service and preventing violence.

Telling Me About Intestinal Distress, Tumors, Growths, And Other Gnarliness Unless I Have Specifically Asked

 I have two kids.  I've been puked on, peed on, etc.  This doesn't mean I want to hear about your stomach issues or your latest period.  The golden rule is unless you are so close to me that I've watched you pee in an alleyway behind a bar (ahem Anna) or have seriously offered to dispose of your ex-husband if need be (ahem Jen), I don't want to hear it. 
Offenders : S.B., Mister (dude I have to sleep with you), that girl in the changing room next to me at Target giving a blow-by-blow account over the phone of her latest OBGYN visit really loudly.

Trying To Reprimand My Children When I'm Standing Right There

  I can say that my kids aren't always perfect, but almost everyone who meets them remarks on what good manners they have.  This is because they know Mama will bite their heads off if they ever act like little shits in public.  I'm on the slightly old-school strict end of parenting - I don't beat them or anything obviously but they know I don't mess around.  Therefor if you are standing right next to me and one of my kids does something slightly off, you can bet I'm going to say something to them.  This is where you KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT.  Unless they are lighting off fireworks while smoking cigarettes while I am sitting back doing nothing, you don't correct other people's kids. 
**However** I admit I have corrected other people's kids in the following circumstances: kids at the park who have hit mine or done something else directly dangerous to mine while their mothers either were paying absolutely zero attention or didn't correct them. 
Offenders: several former friends (notice the "former" part), and my OWN FATHER!  Oh, old dude.

Being Overly Vocal About How Great Your Religion Is

These people come from EVERY religion and belief.  Unless I have asked you about your religion, which I wouldn't do unless I know you really well, please don't assume I want to know all about it complete with implications that I'm going to hell because I'm not in it and wow you better hurry and start going to my church RIGHT NOW.  If your religion is so great than show me how amazingly happy it makes you or how it inspires you to be a better person.  And please don't assume that because I don't talk about my beliefs, that I have none.  

Offenders: Several family members, several MOMS club members


This Could Make Up It's Own Post : Vague Bitchy Posts on FB

The vague threatening posts about how you always get revenge or about how someone better watch themselves make you look like a douchenozzle of the highest level.  Do. Not.
Offenders:  Too many, you guys.

Not Using Your Horn While Driving

Not all the time - but seriously that guy who didn't turn on the green light needs to know how wrong he is.  And as a Masshole driver it's widely acknowledged that I'm a better driver than 98.9% of the entire world, so I'm educating him.  He needs to know he's wrong and it's my job to tell him.  Some people who have forgotten this basic logic (The Mister) say that the horn is only for extreme situations but it doesn't matter because they are wrong.
Offenders: The Mister, that lady who didn't honk at that guy who waited til the last minute to get in the turning lane and cut her off.

Chewing With Your Mouth Open, Or Talking With Food In Your Mouth

My sisters are yelling "A-freaking-men!" at their screens right now.  I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it.  I swear to god I will stab you right in your stupid face with a fork, it's that icky to me.  *shudder*
Offenders: S.B. in a big, fat, disgusting way and way too many other people.  EWW.

Someone Who Doesn't Have Kids Complaining To Someone Who Does Have Kids About How Tired They Are

No, no you're not that tired, and I swear when you do have kids and you experience crushing exhaustion you'll want to go back and slap yourself in the face like I'm about to do right now.
Offenders: Every.  Freaking.  Grad student.

Saying "I Wish I Could Do _____"

Guess what - everyone has to learn almost everything.  Unless you dream of being an Olympic high-jumper but sadly have no legs.  Sorry but I don't think that can be fixed - or maybe it can, prosthetics are amazing these days.  No one is born knowing how to cook or garden or fix a tire.
 Offenders: Sadly, lots.

I am absolutely sure I will think of more - the learning never stops, people!
And now something that does the opposite of annoy me - slightly obsessed with Gotye right now.  Enjoy.