Friday, January 6, 2012

Where The Hell I've Been

Let's just not talk about the holidays and New Year's, mmkay?  It's not like they were super horribly awful, they just took effort this year.  Way to stay strong about being a douchebag right up until the end, 2011.  You can show yourself out, and take the multiple hospital visits with you.

I will give you this little gem, because what do you give the child who has ended up in the emergency room TWICE in her 2 1/2 years?
Obviously roller skates, right?
We also got a new pet right before the holidays - Mooch had been wanting a hamster since her friend got one.  I had hamsters growing up and I get why they're the "go-to" kids pet, since their poo is about as big as a grain of rice and they're all fluffy and cute.  But they're also assholes.  They bite and they're naturally nocturnal and if you wake them up to hold them (THIS IS WHY WE GOT YOU YOU FUCKING USELESS RODENT) they turn on you like Naomi Campbell and will mess you up.  No, hamsters - just no.
Wanting to be the super-awesome alpha mommy I obviously am (ahem) I told Mooch she had to research pets before she decided on one.  We googled "best pets for children" and the first two hits we got were about how hamsters are horrible pets for kids, and if you wanted to go the small animal route you should get a fancy rat. 
Sooooo ... meet Rachel the fancy rat.  Why is she fancy?  Because she isn't the type of rat who lives in a sewer.  By this definition, all of you are fancy humans.  You're welcome.

The rat is awesome.  She just hangs out on Mooch's lap, and when she walks around the rat perches on her shoulder.  The lady at the pet store has pet rats, and said that they're pretty happy with table scraps and chickweed, which we have in some of our flower beds.  We do give her rat pellets and timothy hay as well, but she loves any end parts of vegetables that would usually go right in the compost bin (except for plants in the cabbage family, which mess up their digestion)  We're keeping her a vegetarian so that we can compost the bedding that we change out of her cage, complete with droppings.  She is super clean and washes herself constantly, and only ever poops in one corner of her cage.  Rat's tails are somewhat prehensile, so she wraps it around your wrist when she's on your arm like in the picture above.  And the final point I'll bore your asses with on why you should get a pet rat - they are super cheap (around $5 usually) because the majority of them are sold as "feeder rats" to be fed to pet snakes.  Ewww, you guys.

 My little garden is STILL producing.  I pulled up the last of our beets a few weeks ago and roasted and pureed a bunch.  After one season of growing I'm a beet convert - my garden will never be without them.  Versatile and beautiful.  On January 2nd (!) I pulled up about half of what is left of our radishes

Another veggie I can't live without ever again.  Ridiculously easy to grow in these parts and so useful. 
I've planted 3 rows of garlic, one row of which has already sprouted since it's been so unseasonably warm.  My broccoli is still struggling along, and my kale plants were decimated when Zac decided to take out some digging frustration on that corner of the garden. 
I know he looks somewhat remorseful here - trust me, he's not.
I have more shit to say but honestly Smelly Boss is here and just heated up his lunch and my eyes are tearing up from the sheer disgusting RANKness of it.  Apparently yogurt fermented in a homeless man's asscrack is what's on the menu (and maybe cabbage?  What the FUCK is that smell???)  I have to go find something very important to do in another part of the building because blasting Pandora isn't getting him to close his door. 


  1. This post made my lol about 3 times, thank you! Also - that is a COOL rat! Do you know what is a cleaner, easier pet than a rat? A snake! But is does cost more than $5. We had a guinea pig burial this week & I can't even give the last one away.

  2. And snakes make me scream like a little girl. They shkeeve me, I can't help it.

  3. Lydia you crack me up! Rachel the fancy rat looks quite happy in her new home!


  4. Love your sense of humor and love the fancy rat! Your beets are so pretty. I planted some early in the fall and they just haven't done anything. Very disappointing. I just pulled up the last of my carrots and my broccoli is struggling too, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

  5. Deb, I will send you healthy broccoli vibes. Strength in numbers (?)


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