It was one of those moments you just look at someone and think, "Who ARE you?"
The Mister and I were watching TV after the kids went to bed the other night and catching up. I was telling him about a woman in one of my online mom's groups who's husband should be shot, period. This woman works full time and also takes care of her entire house by herself, takes care of both kids, volunteers - you name it. Her husband works, comes home, and sits on the couch. Every weekend (and sometimes during the week) he goes out with his drinkin' buddies and stays out late. She says the last time she got out of the house on a weekend was her sister's birthday, which she had to ASK PERMISSION TO ATTEND, and before she left she had to cook a full meal, feed the kids, bathe them and get them ready for bed so this dork could just look at them at some point and say, "Go to bed".
The thing that got to me most about her story was this - her mother told her "As long as he has a job and he doesn't hit you, you can't complain"
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
Since the Mister is the antithesis of this loser, I was expecting him to be as horrified about this as I was. When I had finished ranting he said, "Well, if that's what she's grown up with then she doesn't expect any different. You forget women haven't been liberated that long."
"Ummm, women got the right to vote in the 20's, and the womens lib. movement was in the 70's. You're saying it's acceptable that we're being treated like doormats, STILL, 30 years later?"
"I'm just saying that some women are okay with it. It's not the norm yet."
"So it will be okay if our girls marry someone who treats them like this?"
"No, of course not. Of course I want better for them. Sometimes, though, it's just the way it is"
I fumed for the rest of the night. I could not believe he wasn't as outraged as I was. I couldn't believe the minute the doctor said "It's a girl" his outlook had not changed. We talked about it when he called me this morning and we're still butting head over it - he says I'm taking sides in a non-existent argument, I say he is perpetuating this fuckery and he needs to change his way of thinking. I even dragged the "S" word into it, and I stand by it. It took one person who was NOT a slave to see slavery as an evil and wrong practice to start to change the world's thinking on it. And I say it takes men not afraid to say that treating a woman like a second-class citizen is absolutely reprehensible. The quote that kept floating back to me was one of my favorites, by Anais Nin:
"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."
I say it takes a lion of a man to love a strong woman. Expect to see more of this on my guest post on Willow's blog tomorrow, at Confessions Of A Country Witch.