Yes, I KNOW it was in retrograde, no mistaking that fact yesterday. Yesterday was a day of a whole bunch of little things going wrong, things you feel bad complaining about when there are worse things in the world, like earthquakes and hunger and Snooki. But equally frustrating, nonetheless.
First my bitchy aunt who swings by once a month made an appearance. Then we were out of soy milk for my coffee, so I had to have cows milk which tastes awful to me. Every single outfit I put on either looked like I was a broken-down hooker or like I had rolled in the donation bin at Salvation Army and come out with anything that stuck to me on. (no offense to Salvation Army) I got to work and realized something that I was supposed to arrange last week had totally slipped my mind, and straightaway got railed at by my boss. My boss is Chinese - he is a very nice man, but hygiene is not high on his list of priorities. He routinely comes out of his office (which smells so bad I avoid going in there at all costs) with food in his mouth and talks to me, which is one of my pet peeves. I am working with one of his grad students to plan an event we are holding in a few days, and yesterday we made a sight visit to meet with the conference staff. "We can go in my car" he said.
Oh please no. No, no, no.
It looked innocent enough from the outside - your standard minivan. Then the door slid open ... wood. Why was there random pieces of wood in his car? And then ... stains. Stains everywhere. Food everywhere. I fought down a gag and mentally reminded myself I made it through 13 hours of labor, I can make it through a 10 minute car ride. I got in while trying desperately to avoid touching any surfaces, pulled my coat around me and perched gingerly on the edge of the seat. Goddess help me, I refused to put on a seat belt to avoid yet another filth-covered surface.
Then I spotted it. I pulled out my phone and texted my friend, who knows about Dirty Boss:
"In ***'s car and there's a FUCKING DIRTY BRA ON THE FLOOR!!!"
She, being a compassionate individual, texted back that I made her day, then reminded me that it was conceivable that him and his equally dirty wife had knocked boots in this very car. Gag.
Somehow I made it through the meeting and the car ride back, and the minute I got out of the car decided that us being broke notwithstanding, I was treating myself to an overpriced Cosi salad. As I reminded the Mister when I called him to relay my ordeal, I may have just contracted meningitis and this may very well be my last meal.
Of course I ran into two faculty on my way back into the building who absolutely had to stop me and talk (hello douchenozzles - I am lowly staff and I do have a limited lunch break) then finally, FINALLY made it back to my desk.
Pandora Adele station on ... fancy crusty bread .... water bottle full ... and my salad. My beautiful, yummy salad - wait. What the hell?!?!!
They forgot my dressing.
I'm stopping for wine on the way home.